Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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