no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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