You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
