hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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