i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
