I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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