I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Randomize
