Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
