Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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