i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
