i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
