1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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