did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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