sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
