If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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