If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
