Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
