I intend to get homeless drunk
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
