i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I didn't shave. On purpose
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
