we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
