please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
