Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i think i have herpe
just one?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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