remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
