1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
