I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize