The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
