can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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