I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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