How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
