she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
