I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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