I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize