but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
last night I used snow as a chaser
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
