wrigley field is MILF paradise
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
