there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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