i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
