So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
