I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
well I can't set my house on fire every night
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
