a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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