you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i now understand why vodka
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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