threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
