Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
