You can't special order awesome
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
