Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
