I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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