Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize