"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
