you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So many bounce houses so little time
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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