...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
