I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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