So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
