Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
