so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
whose ass print is on the piano?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
