whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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