i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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