tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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