1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
