she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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