another moral hangover. fuck.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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