My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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