I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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