I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
