she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
