Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
