His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
