is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
sarcasm needs its own font
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
