Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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