HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it because I queefed?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
