Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize