it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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