adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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