Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
