names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
