I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
