And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
