I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i wish my penis had a tongue
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize