Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My feet surprised me
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