He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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