FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
