literally had 100 drinks last night.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Randomize
