She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
