My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
